How do you fix something you didn't want to break?

It seems like there are so many times in life that you break something, knowingly or unknowingly and then once you decide you want to fix it, its too late.

Trust! It's inevitable that once you loose someones trust it's hard to gain it back. In my eating disorder I lost a lot of people's trust. I did things I cannot even believe I did to people who meant the most to mean. I know that even the lies such as telling everyone that I was in control of myself made them loose trust in me, as it was plain to see I was not in control of my eating disorder. Once I got out of treatment I felt like if I ate a meal and went to the restroom afterward that I would get eyes looking at me just waiting to fall back into my old ways. When my intentions were nothing of the sort! I wanted to be better, I wanted people to believe that I wanted to be better.

I had tons of support, more than I could have asked for! But it still felt like those eyes waiting for me to mess up.

So I just kept on trying to prove that I wasn't going to mess up! I didn't mess up. I am healthy and happy that I'm healthy. I still have weak moments, but not a moment that made me want to go back!

So, take this into everyday little things. How do you prove that even though one day you may have messed up, that today is different? People just waiting for it to happen, almost to the point that they push that on you as if you did.

I say, let them! Let them try and believe that you can't do it. Because one day, after so many times of it being yourself that was wrong, they will be wrong. They will see your true intentions. They will see what you really believe and believe you for what you say. They will stop trying to see things that aren't there and making things that don't exhist. They will have no choice.

It hurts to not be trusted, but sometimes we do that to ourselves. Just take it in, and believe it. Believe it will change. Believe that you have the ability to make it change. Smile! Everyday! Even when it hurts! Because someday it will all come true! It will come naturally! There is no reason to believe its not possible to fix things you didn't mean to break! Just believe it will happen!